Altidude is ToddZ

dealbreaker:

GUESTMAKER: I Like You So Much I’ll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers

Things that I would normally classify as Dealbreakers which I’ve overlooked because I was smitten:

• Vegetarian.

• Wore flip flops.

• Had a child.

• Younger than me.

• “Laugh clapping,” meaning he laughed so hard at something he would clap his hands, thus hurting my delicate ears.

• Partook in the act of smoking marijuana on a regular basis.

• Had a head shot.

• When I ask what book he was reading right now, he responded “I’m not really that into reading books.”

• He can’t hang out on Sunday cause the “big game” is on.

• Never seen Spaceballs.

Things I will NEVER let slide, no matter how much I like you:

• Being a republican, a child molester, or a vegan.

• Ordering your steak “well done.”

A Guest Dealmaker by Georgia Hardstark.

Wait - what? “Never seen Spaceballs” is a dealbreaker?

Why, is surviving that tortuous experience some kind of measurement of manhood?

Does watching Spaceballs ensure that our cultural scale is equally zeroed?

Because I’m afraid that you’re somehow implying that you think Spaceballs is entertaining, and that would be a dealbreaker that you’re going to have to work hard to overcome.

You would not be alone, I know. Wired is in the doghouse, too. They just included Spaceballs in their list of Wired’s Favorite Sci-Fi Flicks of All Time, oblivious to these indisputable facts:

A.) Spaceballs is not a failed attempt at science fiction, it is a failed attempt at comedy.

B.) Spaceballs is a painfully awkward, steaming sophmoric turd of wasted potential, lazy and superficial writing, poor timing, and not knowing when to let a half-hearted gag die.

C.) Spaceballs does not belong on any “favorite” lists except “favorite examples of movies that I wish I could go back in time and stop from happening.”